As Catron explains, answering such questions keeps us from giving the same narrative we usually give to strangers. We all have canned responses we give people we meet. If we can go beyond reciting that chorus we’ll see that conversations can lead to places we least expected. Eye Contact The second part of the Aron study had the two people look into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The power of eye contact was put to the test here. As you already know just, the study was conclusive. This is what Mandy Ken Catron had to say about gazing into the other test subject’s eyes. “I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected.” We’ve all hear that eyes are the window to the soul.slut-roulette We all look into others’ eyes for clues, to understand someone’s state of mind.
What the study implies is that eye contact creates an intimate bond between two people. A site I’m subscribed to, The Art of Manliness, explains it better than I. This is what the an author of the site says in one of his posts: “When I am performing a task or feeling an emotion, and you are observing me do so, the same neurons that are being lit up in my brain by actually having the experience, are the ones that light up in the human brain just from watching me. This is made possible by the clear presence of “mirror neurons” in our craniums. And the activation of those mirror neurons is especially sensitive to facial expressions, and, you guessed it, eye contact. Have you ever been hit hard with an emotion after looking into the eyes of someone who was experiencing it? Eye contact creates moments where you are able to really feel what someone else is feeling. It links together your emotional states and creates empathy and an intimate bond. So I guess eyes ARE the window to the soul. Dates In addition to the two elements that the study brings forward, I believe one more can not be ignored. One cannot talk about romance without bringing up dates. They are where most relationships (if not all) begin. The internet is full of articles on greta date ideas, as everybody sees the importance of doing an activity with that special someone.
nonetheless, so much emphasis is put on the activity and the location instead of the relationship that takes place during the date. Sure, the date is romantic, but if the focus is on anything other than the person you’re with, what extra value does that activity bring? Back when I was younger I remember being in Orlando for Spring break. Me and my buddy went to the beach at around 10 AM. It wasn’t too long before we noticed two certainly stunning girls not too far away from us. We approached them, these people were receptive. We then spent the remainder of the day laughing, teasing each other and just hanging out, getting to know each other. Towards dinner time, we told them we were heading back once again to the hotel, but that individuals were going out in the evening and they were invited. We exchanged numbers. They came over to the hotel, we pre-drank and then we all went took to downtown Orlando nightlife. I’m not likely to tell you how the night ended, but i am going to tell you this: even though we had only known them for a few hours, it felt like we had known them for a couple of years. a few years ago, I came across a book that scientifically explained to me what had happened I wish I could remember the title. Once we have a good time, whether it is at the beach or a concert, we tend to project those feelings onto whoever it was we were with at that time.
also, going from a single venue to the next in a relatively short period of time has magical properties. Call it an Attraction Wormhole. Time is bent. Our brain sees 3-4 venues as 3-4 different dates. All in all, what I’m saying is that date night should go beyond just going to the movies and then calling it a night. When it is a relationship you seek, hop from a single venue to the next. Do something that will elicit some sort of emotion. Make it playful, make it intimate, make it meaningful. Now before running off thinking you’ve cracked the code, consider this.
The premise of the study was that the two participants have a few commonalities. I haven’t read the study in its entirety, but I think it’s safe to assume both participants will need to have some minimal number of sexual attraction for one another. Also, they need to be somewhat cooperative; willing to open their minds to what they’re about to experience. These criteria should be met. Biology matters as well. Let’s not forget that either. Regardless, I find this pretty revelatory. I wonder if these same maxims enables you to rekindle love as well.
If your marriage is suffering, can improving the quality of your dates (yes, married people should still date) help? Can the content and nature of your dialogue help?
Can a warm and sympathetic look from tie to time help also? I’m not going to answer that, but what I will say is this: then try it out? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: dates, love, Relationships Take a note from older couples who know how to do it right. Geber86/E+ via Getty photos Across the country an unprecedented wide range of couples are instantly spending every waking and sleeping hour of the day with one another. That’s what many older retired couples do too, even when there isn’t a pandemic. Their experiences are worth listening to, because many psychology studies find that marriages on the list of Medicare-eligible set are the happiest of any cohort across the life span. A review of the research reveals A u-shaped pattern of marital pleasure within the life cycle. Early marriage features many positive aspects interlaced with a lot of conflict, while older couples enjoy the highest levels of companionship with low levels of conflict. Midlife couples who are raising young ones are at the U. They tend to experience a plunge in their enjoyment of one another, along with an uptick in fighting. Of course, you might wish you could be securely retired with a partner right now, especially if you’re currently on your own. Working remotely or facing unemployment while running a one-room schoolhouse, planning three meals a day without running out of food and worrying about your family’s health makes retirement look like a dreamy vacation.topadultreview.com But there are some important similarities between retirement and the isolation required by social distancing.
Your social networks have shrunk. Without work connections and friends to meet up for lunch or at the gym, a partner becomes more essential than ever. As a therapist who has been treating couples at all stages of life for almost three decades, I’m currently witnessing the relational challenges of this pandemic, a big magnifier that can bring out the very best and sometimes the worst in relationships. Older couples rely on one another to help weather the storms. Adolescent Content/Niyani Lingham Green/DigitalVision via Getty Images Lean on me Older, retired couples primarily focus on supporting one another: could i depend on you when I need help, feel scared, be concerned about dying or don’t feel well? And am I willing to be that source of comfort and stability when you need me? No matter the age or stage of the couple, the current pandemic has revealed the need for much more mutual dependency. Could I count on you to protect yourself and us when you go to the grocery store? If I’m feeling scared about my parents’ health or mine, could I tell you? If teaching algebra (a subject I struggled with the first time around) to our young ones has pushed me to the breaking point, could I ask you to take over, kindly and with no eye-rolling? Now is a ideal time and energy to develop your help-asking muscle and, in turn, to welcome your partner’s vulnerability. It is possible to practice now for the years ahead when you’ll need to be comfortable with more mutual dependency – being able to rely on and be counted on in moments of need and frailty. Have fewer, kinder fights My colleague, psychiatrist Bob Waldinger, brings octogenarian couples into his laboratory to study their conflicts. He told me that he often has trouble getting them to reenact a fight.
Having had the same fights for decades, these older couples are quite bored at the prospect of another round. They already know just the other one’s lines. Do we have to try this again? When older couples do fight, they tend to handle conflict better than younger ones: They are prone to interject expressions of affection and are less prone to voicing disgust, belligerence and whining. Because the relationship can be so central, they may be more likely to forgive their partners or let a grievance slide. So, make an effort to catch a fight as it starts and start thinking about saying to your partner, “Can we talk about something more interesting? We probably already know just how this is going to unfold.” Or, if the conflict is important to air, make an effort to remember that it is possible to say something kind without surrendering, or give a warm nonverbal smile or touch. It’s also a good idea to refrain from making any contemptuous or nasty comments. Couples researchers recommend following a “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 during a fight to secure a stable relationship: make an effort to say five positive things to every one zinger or negative comment. This ratio, which might seem outlandish, is based on the fact that negative interactions carry more weight than positive ones.
When ‘for better or worse’ includes every waking moment. Drazen_/E+ via Getty photos Focus on the present reality Studies suggest that older couples focus on the present and are also better able to accept the relationship as it is, rather than looking ahead to a time when it is going to be transformed.
While they may not discuss their mortality, older couples’ perspectives are shaped by a reduced time horizon. They typically pay more attention to positive experiences, want to understand their emotions better and focus on a smaller group of good friends and family. Try centering on what is good about your relationship. What do you admire and feel grateful for? If you focus on the ways your partner is supportive, research shows that both you and your spouse will feel better about the relationship. Centering on emotion will not be hard during a pandemic that elicits powerful feelings of anger, fear, worry, grief, love and gratitude. Exactly what do you understand your partner that you didn’t know before about his or her strengths, methods for coping and cracks in that coping? Being stuck with your partner 24/7 may leave you pondering the expression “for better or worse, however for breakfast, lunch and dinner.” But you may come out the other side with some new skills. You don’t have to wait for retirement to truly have a stronger relationship. [ You need to understand the coronavirus pandemic, and we can help. Read The Conversation’s newsletter.] About the Author: Anne Fishel does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive money from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and contains disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.
Read the original article here — https://theconversation.com/stuck-at-home-with-your-partner-look-to-retirees-for-how-to-make-it-work-134834 Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook8Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Online Dating Dating is weird, and it’s awkward. The biggest problem with dating is the fact that individuals call it “dating.” once we call a random meeting with a stranger a “date” it provides pretense, and that has a way of making things weird. We behave entirely differently than we would if we were just out for a casual get together. When you’re out with our friends having some beers, playing volleyball at the beach, or whatever social, recreational activities you enjoy, you’re relaxed, comfortable, and you’re able to be yourself and not care what anyone thinks, right? The reason you’re cooler, funnier, and more comfortable with yourself when you’re out with friends is that the meaning you give it when you go out. Think about it: Why are you meeting up with friends? ( What is the purpose?) To have fun, joke around, and do the things you love to accomplish in life. There’s no outcome other than to enjoy yourself. There’s no pressure to impress friends and family or make them like you; you’re there merely to enjoy yourself. By establishing a “date” with a girl, the motivation is that you’re both getting together so you can make an effort to seduce her and by the end of the night she’ll pick whether or not you will be getting any play.
When girls are put into these dating situations, they start to behave according to every one of these rules that society tries to force them to comply with, and additionally they stop just having fun and hanging out with their friends and having fun. For instance, those rules like “no kissing on the first date” and “no sex until the fourth date” come up. Modern dating is hard! It’s not the exact same today as it was before the advent of smartphones and the internet, where singles often dated people who lived in the same neighborhood. There are so many rules that individuals have to be aware of now, and people latch on to those standards because they seem to alleviate social anxiety that comes from meeting someone new. Maybe you’ve heard several of those rules and on occasion even abide them: No kissing on the first date, no sex until the third or fourth date, don’t mention exes or failed relationships, walk curbside, etc., etc. With these rules in mind, along with the sheer power of choices for partners at our disposal, it’s amazing anyone ever goes on a date at all. It’s confusing and petrifying! Should you say this or that? Should you not concern yourself with it and just speak up?
Should you go for the kiss? Should you arrange that second date? Frankly, folks, it’s exhausting. What if we took a step back before we went on that date and put this meeting into another context? Let’s compare traditional dating utilizing the non-date approach to dating Traditional Date Non-Date There’s a lot of pressure never to fail because you both know that unless you play your cards totally right, you’re going home alone. There’s no pressure because nothing is at stake. You’re out with friends relaxing and having a good time! • If she flakes on you, your plans for the night are ruined. • If she flakes, that doesn’t affect anything because you’ll still hang out with your friends and have a very good time. • It’s just you and her, locked in together all night. If she’s annoying, you’re stuck with her and can’t escape. • You bring her into your world where you are comfortable with friends and family, giving her a chance to see you at your best. • You meet up with her and spend the night getting to know her. • If you choose, you invite her and several other girls you know out, and you spend the night with all of those girls and your friends. • You gotta pay for dinner, movie, and all the costs of dating. • You pick up a few beers and party in your friend’s backyard, or hang out at the beach to play Frisbee for either free or a fraction of the price.
So let’s say you’ve met a girl and you want to employ this social get together formula. There are a few approaches you usually takes: 1. The Invite – Send out a text, create a Facebook event, or tell the people you know in person. Pretty simple and something you could have tried already. This is effective, but nowhere near as effective as the Personal Invite which I will describe next. 2. The Personal Invite – From my experiences in promoting nightclubs, the most efficient solution to bring visitors to your social activities is calling them really to let them know about a get together you’re having. At first, when I started promoting, i might send out a mass text, do a Facebook event, or let everyone else I talked to know I was having a party. Nonetheless, when I tried calling up people personally to let them know about the event, the results were phenomenal. The turnout of my parties was exceptionally higher. I’d recommend you do both, but the personal invite is a powerful strategy to combine with your invites. 3. Social Offer – This is often a type of invite where when you get a call or text from a girl asking you what you’re up to, you just let them know that you’re going to be doing something social and she’s welcome to come along. This works well because it’s not- threatening, it’s unattached, and you’re bringing her into your world.
The main strength with the non-date date is that you break free from that mold of the traditional “date” giving you the chance to be yourself in an environment where you’d be doing what you love to be doing anyways. With the non-date, you are still doing whatever you’d be doing. You’re building a attractive lifestyle, and you’re bringing stunning women along with you into in that way of life. If you’d like to learn more about how to achieve success at dating then go to Pheromones-Planet.com. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook14Tweet0Pin20 Posted in: Date Ideas Tagged in: Dating “Damn. Go through the body on that girl. She actually is unreal man. I’d kill for one night with that. She’s at least a 9. Maybe even a 10…” We’ve all had these types of conversations with friends right? We’re men. Sometimes we revert back to our 12 year old hormonal school boy alter egos when we experience a smoking hot woman, pick apart their looks, and rate them.
Its what we do. Cue the chest pumping and grunting. But where exactly do you rank on the attractive scale? Are you a one? A five? A seven? Suppose you are a 5. How realistic do you think it really is to pick up a woman online who is a 9 or 10? I’m not talking a soft 9 or 10 either. I’m talking a bombshell that all friends and family would look at awe, wondering how you landing that unbelievable specimen. I’m guessing most of you probably think its somewhat impossible, which will be sort of depressing. The majority of the population is not above average in looks. To believe that meeting women online who are 8’s and higher is unattainable for most associated with the male population is downright depressing. Well don’t go throwing yourself a pity party just yet. What if I were to tell you that any man can learn to meet any woman online no matter how attractive she actually is?
It just so happens that any man can raise his arbitrary score of attractiveness by multiple points online. You just need to learn a few methods. In fact, any man can turn in to a ten in a few hours with the right knowledge of attraction. This is because your looks are not the only quality that makes up your attraction score. I would ike to make things even simpler. Pending that you do not neglect your appearance, dress well, and put yourself together well, looks won’t matter at all if you follow the right steps. The main element lies in understanding how men and women experience attraction. What you need to understand first and foremost is that attraction is not conscious.
When a man sees a stunning woman walking down the street, he usually turns his head and looks. The man doesn’t consciously think to himself, “I’m looking at her because she has a nice ass, amazing looks, and stunning hair. Ok. I’ve decided. I’m attracted.” Thats ridiculous. The attraction happens instantly. Its instinct. This reaction happens because men are evolutionary wired to focus on external appearances first and foremost. Our survival depended on it if we wanted to produce a healthy baby, and women who are considered conventionally attractive produced the greatest odds.
Lucky for us, women are wired much differently. Women are wired to answer the internal characteristics and personality traits of a man much more than the physical appearance of a man.